In most “long-distance” marriages, husbands are usually the ones travelling upandan (for school, business, etc.). However, there are other tangible reasons why your wife might need to be away for a while – confinement pre- or post-delivery; to attend to her elderly parents if she’s the only one they’ve got; she has a rare talent or skill and her service is needed far away from home, etc. And hey! These things could happen at the nascent phase of your marriage when you’re not ready for a second wife…
So how do you keep yourself busy while Habeebty is away?
*Do more acts of worship. If you have been missing tahajjud and fajr due to marathon “tahaajudi”, this is the time to readjust and get back on track. If you have jettisoned the sunnatic fasts due to ummu’s sumptuous, mellifluous and superfluous delicacies, this is the time to resume fasting! Sorry ehn?
*Take care of the children. If you have kids, it would be really nice to spend quality father-to-child time with them now. Don’t give them cornflakes everyday – enter the kitchen and make amala! Don’t push them to watch cartoons all day – give them attention, read a book to them, play hide-and-seek, etc. Don’t just dump them with grandma and leave. Stop complaining about babysitting. Parents don’t babysit their own children; it’s called “parenting”!
*Take care of the house, afterall, it’s your house, too. Don’t pile up the dirty laundry or dishes until she comes back – wash them! Share the chores among the children or get help from family/friends if possible.
What if Habeebty is gonna be away for a longer time? Then, up your game plan…
*Restore your hibernating routines. Since you got married, you’ve stopped going to the gym and your six-pack has reduced to one-pack. This is the time to start doing regular exercises like you used to do. Fast walking 30minutes everyday will do the trick as well. Try other sports and hobbies like tennis, horseriding, archery, etc.
*Volunteer. Join a worthy cause or set up one. Do something to empower women and children in your locality. Participate actively and physically in a local project such as mosque building. Gather children and teach them the Qur’an or any other school subject.
*Keep in touch. I need not tell you that she’s missing you as much as you’re missing her. Let there be no communication gaps. Don’t let the sun set without calling, texting, chatting or video chatting (PS: I don’t support sexting and uttering dirty words over the phone, for security reasons…)
*Lower your gaze. This is the crux of the matter. Whether ummu is always with you 24/7, or one of you is a traveller, you still have to lower your gaze to avoid falling into zinaa. Not all those chicks want to marry you legally; some just want to use their bodies to get something from you. Even after you complete the 4 slots, shayton will not stop trying to whisper to you. (Remember Qur’an chapter 17 verse 32) So, if you know you ain’t ready for polygyny, keep yourself chaste for your wife just as she’s keeping herself for you.