ANGER: THE DESTROYER OF RELATIONSHIPS 

Anger is one of the defence mechanisms humans adopt during stressful conditions. It is an intense feeling that tells you there is a problem you need to address. Anger is not supposed to be a solution to that problem; it is only a transient response. When anger is expressed as a solution rather than an emotion, then anger itself, becomes a problem.

Failure to control your anger can ruin you (physically and mentally) and your relationship(s). Oftentimes, you get angry with those whom you love dearly; not necessarily because you stop loving them at that moment, but because you expected perfection from them. The best anger control strategy is to constantly remind yourself that no one is perfect. People make mistakes. Relationships thrive better when individuals learn to forgive each other’s mistakes. 

Unresolved anger is a common cause of marital discord. Excessive anger breeds hatred and aggressive behaviour. This can blunt your sense of judgement and make you say (and do) things you didn’t mean to. The situation can quickly spiral into an ego trip: you’re waiting for an apology while your partner is waiting for an explanation as to why you’re angry. 

When angry, it’s more advisable to take a step (or two) backwards rather than forward or keep quiet and do nothing. Relax and reassess the situation. Take in a deep breath, count 1-10 and breath out. Perform ablution and seek refuge in Allaah. Remember that He has promised to forgive those who control their anger and forgive others…

“Be quick in the race for forgiveness from your Lord, and for a Garden whose width is that of the heavens and of the earth, prepared for al-Muttaqun (the righteous) : Those who spend (in Allah’s cause) in prosperity and in adversity, who repress their anger, and who pardon men, verily, Allah loves the al-Muhsinun (the good-doers).” (Quran chapter 3 verses 133-134)

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